Angel's Eyes

I am trying out a new product called Angel's Eyes. It is a product that helps to reduce epiphora, which, on my dog, is the amber colored stain that is beneath her eyes and around her mouth. Apparently when these areas are moist all the time they are ripe for the production of bacteria and yeast. Upon better inspection of Roxie's eyes, I realized the discharge had a little bit of a yeasty scent too. Since she had all the symptoms of epiphora, I felt like I had diagnosed the problem. I ordered the product, complete with free delivery.

I was skeptical, but hopeful, because up to this point I had tried many different products, as well as cleaning techniques, to clear up the unsightly stains. I also wondered if the stains were a symptom of something uncomfortable for her. I know when my eyes are watery, it is uncomfortable for me, and I could see that she would paw at her eyes, almost daily. I wanted relief for her. As I waited for the shipment, I cleaned, and cleaned, but nothing would get those eyes to stop producing that amber stain and excess tearing.

Finally, the product arrived, and I gave her a dose right away. Since Roxie weighs about 16 lbs., I needed to give her 1 teaspoon of the powder with her food every day. I decided to split up the doses into 1/2 a teaspoon because I feed her two small meals a day. I wanted the product in her system as much as possible, and I didn't want her to have an adverse reaction to too much product.

Tomorrow it will be one week since we started using Angel's Eyes, and I notice such improvement that I felt like I should write about it. Here is a picture of Roxie's eyes before treatment...

Here she is after one week of treatment. I call this "during" treatment.

When I've given her all of the product in the bottle, I'll post an after picture.

Controlling the Uncontrollable

In two weeks it will be six months since the dog attack. I am feeling better emotionally, but I am still grieving and I still make decisions based on fear. I am working, but I miss staying home and the slower pace of my life when I did. On the other hand, it is good to have a sense of purpose, and I feel that sense when I teach. Something I notice more and more is that I truly look at everything differently now. Absolutely everything.

Before I started back at work I had a long conversation with my boss about how my perspective had changed. It was healing to have that conversation. I was someone who walked around a little naive and oblivious to the bad things that can happen. I think it was a sort of positive thinking. I thought if I didn't pay any attention to all those bad and depressing stories I saw on the news, they wouldn't exist in my life as much. Of course, this was only me trying to control the uncertain events that are not controllable. I guess it was my way of deciding not to perpetuate the unfortunate events in my daily life. But looking back, it seemed like my attitude was a little like denial that bad events exist at all, and they do.

I continue not to focus on the unfortunate things that happen, but now I realize that they are out there, and can happen at any moment. When there is peace and harmony, we owe it to ourselves to fully experience that calm and beauty because when it's gone, life is a little like hell. I prefer thinking about my world as more of heaven. But a little healthy skepticism is important for survival. For example, when I go for a walk with my dog, I put myself in danger each and every time. Will something bad happen? It could. But I prefer to simply keep a watchful eye out. I don't just assume, like I used to, that everything will go off without a hitch any longer.

Mother, Daughter, Sister

My daughter spoke to me worried that Roxie didn't like her. She was a little sad, and she was clearly frustrated, that our new dog wasn't bonding with her as much as she would like. It was morning and my family had taken a visit to our Santa Cruz condo. I had recently got out of bed and taken Roxie out for a potty break. When I returned, she expressed her concern that Roxie followed me around everywhere I go, and she seemed to accept my husband as a leader in my absence, but my daughter wanted to be accepted that way too.

I agreed with her, and I brought up my hypothesis that I thought Roxie needed to accept my daughter as a sort of "sister" in our family pack - based on what I'd learned after reading the book, Animals Make us Human, by Temple Grandin. In her book, Grandin writes about the research that postulates dogs, if they were living in the wild, were most likely family members. They were not a pack of unrelated dogs, but parents and siblings living and functioning together in as family unit. It makes sense that wild dogs could have been living this way. Not the way that has been previously postulated: like a random pack of unrelated individuals.

I suggested that my daughter could try to use "calming signals" to help Roxie begin to accept her as an extended family member, and more importantly a benevolent leader in our newly formed "pack." It was obvious to me that Roxie had accepted Chico into our unit, based on how they treated each other, likely because they've been left alone together at home on a regular basis. I suggested that it was possible Roxie thought of my daughter as Chico's mom in a separate family unit, and that Roxie was confused about my daughter's role in her life. Since we were a blended "pack" she needed to assume a role as a 'sister" with a high rank.

I was confident that Roxie had already accepted Chico, based on what I observed one morning prior to letting the dogs out to do their business. I watched in awe as they stretched together before being let outside. At one point they were side by side, and in unison, they reached forward and shifted their weight back with their front paws outstretched in a play bow. After that, they shifted their weight forward stretching their hind legs behind them one by one. It looked a little like a sun salutation in a yoga class. I was disappointed that I wasn't able to capture a video of it, because it was adorable watching them move together slowly and methodically like yoga masters.

My husband, my daughter and I were all still waking up that morning, when I began to describe several calming signals my daughter could try to get Roxie to relax. My thinking was that if Roxie could relax, she would realize that my daughter was not a threat to her in any way. My daughter accepted my ideas, willing to try the calming signals, performing them one by one as I talked. The result was fascinating and immediate! It was as if by magic my little frightened doggie began to bond with my daughter, right in front of my eyes. Furthermore, Chico sat quietly by my daughter's side without intruding in any way - unlike the behaviors I'd observed prior to this moment. In fact, I noticed Chico throwing out calming signal after calming signal. Just like the yoga class I observed earlier in the week, watching the bonding take place was astonishing.

Hardy's Garden

I've finally had the courage and confidence to work in Hardy's Garden. It took me several days to get the place up to speed, because I had neglected it for so long. There were weeds, and stickers, and rocks, and thorny holly bushes coming into the place. There were also some of the plants I wanted there, but a lot of mess in between. I began with cleaning out the unwanted items.

Before I knew it, the garden started showing promise. I had already put in a new beautiful mosaic bench, as well as butterfly wind chimes. I moved a Miniature Schnauzer terracotta planter next to the bench, so when I sat there I would be able to conjure his memory. Back in July, not a very good time for it, I planted pale yellow Nasturtium seeds, and these were finally coming in. With all of the weeds and junk cleaned out, I discovered that it didn't look that bad.

The next day, a set of Schnauzer wind chimes that I had recently ordered from Heritage Pewter were delivered to my home. I had been waiting for them for weeks, and receiving them inspired me to work a little more in Hardy's Garden. I decided to transplant some Shasta Daisies, because they are white and Hardy was white, and I also transplanted Rosemary for remembrance. I recently learned this phrase comes from Shakespeare's Hamlet, Act 4, Scene V.

I also plan to plant pansies someday, since they are also included in the line that is delivered by Ophelia, "There's rosemary, that's for remembrance; pray, love, remember: and there is pansies. That's for thoughts."

I hope to continue working on Hardy's Garden, and doubt if the garden will ever be complete. I want it to be a continuous work in progress. It made me feel wonderful working there; thinking of him. We had so many fun times together. We had hard times too, but my memories of those were made easier because of him. I like to remember the fun times, and hope my thoughts will wander to those whenever I sit there.

Roxie Hated Halloween

Roxie hated Halloween as much as Hardy hated the Fourth of July. She barked and trembled all day from fear. I'm not sure exactly what she was afraid of, maybe just the unfamiliar faces and costumes. Maybe its because I didn't allow her to eat any candy?

She growled every time someone came to the door. She barked at children young and old. In fact, it seemed as though she barked at the young ones even more. It made me wonder why. I've noticed that she doesn't like children at all. She has grown a ton since I adopted her, but obviously she still has a long way to go.

My son came back for the weekend and we had a wonderful time catching up with him. The first thing he said to me when I got home from work was how much better Roxie had behaved. He said she greeted him warmly when he arrived, and he noticed how she doesn't dart away from him. He said she sat in the family room with him, and he enjoyed being with her at our house while waiting for me to arrive.

My daughter, in contrast, said that Roxie doesn't like her much. She said that Roxie doesn't seem interested when she comes home, and that Roxie is a little reclusive. She simply waits for me to arrive home from work in another room. She was disappointed when she opened up the toy basket today, and couldn't entice Roxie to play with her.

Roxie gets excited when my husband comes home from work though. She likes to greet him at the door, and she welcomes him home with glee. It's cute how she jumps around the room, and wags her tiny cotton tail. It's getting to the point when I get up in the middle of the night, she will not follow me. She feels comfortable staying with him until I come back.

But yesterday was hard for her. Our neighborhood does Halloween up big. People from all over our tiny city come to our neighborhood to trick-or-treat. My neighbors across the street have a graveyard, with zombie like characters climbing out of the graves. They also put up a gallows with a hanging zombie and a strobe light. There was a "haunted house" way down the street (past where the attack occurred). There was even a costume parade in the afternoon.

During the parade, I wore my witch's costume and my husband and I sat on our lounge chairs out by the curb. I brought Roxie on a leash, but eventually had to put her in the house because I could NOT get her to stop barking. She growled at our neighbor's sweet little girl, and I just couldn't stand for that. I love that little girl, and we were both dressed, quite nicely if I do say so myself, in our awesome witch costumes.

My son got called to DJ a Halloween party, so he went home. My daughter had plans to go trick-or-treating with a teenager that she's been babysitting for years, so the house was empty except for my husband and me. I finally gave up trying to get Roxie to relax. We had only three pieces of candy left (what began as three fairly big bags), so I turned off the porch light to make it look like no one was home.

I checked one last time to see if anyone was coming, and there were two little monsters sashaying  up our walkway, so I gave away two more pieces leaving three for Paul and me. I watched our neighbor snapping photos of his graveyard, complete with dry ice smoke wafting around the scene.  I put Roxie in my lap and brushed her until she stopped trembling. When we both couldn't keep our eyes open any longer, I carried her up to bed. It was not what I had expected for Halloween. I wonder what will happen next year.