Rebuilding Trust

In the beginning process of gathering information about my family tree, I simply wanted to learn the names of my children's grandparents. It took about two weeks to get them on paper, but one was missing, and off on another branch, I had the names of two great grandparents. In my quest to learn the grandparents names, I learned a couple of great-grandparents names, and since I was short one grandparent name, I kept asking questions. 

My obsession and excitement to complete the family tree grew, alongside my hypothesis that most of my family's roots were right here in the USA. The next thing I knew, I was going after data about relatives who were here back in the 1800s, and a part of the Union side of the Civil War thinking... I wonder if my family dates back to the American Revolution? 

So far, I don't have an answer to that question, but something I noticed as I kept digging for more information is that things I took for granted as truth before the research, were not accurate. The more and more I dig the more I am convinced of two things: people who keep secrets usually take one to their grave, and patterns emerge in family structures that repeat, just like history repeats.

I am writing this today to urge people NOT to keep secrets.

Keeping a secret basically puts up a huge road block in discovering the truth. It also makes for trust issues, but that's another story. As one who is doing family research, learning there's a secret, changes everything. It modifies all that is discovered and makes everything subject to scrutiny. Maybe that's a good thing? 

In any case, when a secret is exposed, that's when the story gets interesting. At the same time, those who pass along family secrets think they have done so to protect themselves, but often the secret is so benign and harmless, it only serves to keep other family members in the dark, not to mention forces assumptions that are likely untrue or incorrect.

This morning, I watched an interview with Hillary Clinton on CNN, and she made several statements I think fit - even here.

She said, "...mistrust and misunderstanding are often the real fundamental obstacles to bringing people together... When you are dealing with implacable adversaries who believe their version of reality is right and yours is misguided, it's not easy, but at the same time, you can't ever give up trying... but we don't have enough trust, and trust is the glue that holds a democracy together..."

For some reason, this rings true for me, even in regard to family research.