Mother, Daughter, Sister

My daughter spoke to me worried that Roxie didn't like her. She was a little sad, and she was clearly frustrated, that our new dog wasn't bonding with her as much as she would like. It was morning and my family had taken a visit to our Santa Cruz condo. I had recently got out of bed and taken Roxie out for a potty break. When I returned, she expressed her concern that Roxie followed me around everywhere I go, and she seemed to accept my husband as a leader in my absence, but my daughter wanted to be accepted that way too.

I agreed with her, and I brought up my hypothesis that I thought Roxie needed to accept my daughter as a sort of "sister" in our family pack - based on what I'd learned after reading the book, Animals Make us Human, by Temple Grandin. In her book, Grandin writes about the research that postulates dogs, if they were living in the wild, were most likely family members. They were not a pack of unrelated dogs, but parents and siblings living and functioning together in as family unit. It makes sense that wild dogs could have been living this way. Not the way that has been previously postulated: like a random pack of unrelated individuals.

I suggested that my daughter could try to use "calming signals" to help Roxie begin to accept her as an extended family member, and more importantly a benevolent leader in our newly formed "pack." It was obvious to me that Roxie had accepted Chico into our unit, based on how they treated each other, likely because they've been left alone together at home on a regular basis. I suggested that it was possible Roxie thought of my daughter as Chico's mom in a separate family unit, and that Roxie was confused about my daughter's role in her life. Since we were a blended "pack" she needed to assume a role as a 'sister" with a high rank.

I was confident that Roxie had already accepted Chico, based on what I observed one morning prior to letting the dogs out to do their business. I watched in awe as they stretched together before being let outside. At one point they were side by side, and in unison, they reached forward and shifted their weight back with their front paws outstretched in a play bow. After that, they shifted their weight forward stretching their hind legs behind them one by one. It looked a little like a sun salutation in a yoga class. I was disappointed that I wasn't able to capture a video of it, because it was adorable watching them move together slowly and methodically like yoga masters.

My husband, my daughter and I were all still waking up that morning, when I began to describe several calming signals my daughter could try to get Roxie to relax. My thinking was that if Roxie could relax, she would realize that my daughter was not a threat to her in any way. My daughter accepted my ideas, willing to try the calming signals, performing them one by one as I talked. The result was fascinating and immediate! It was as if by magic my little frightened doggie began to bond with my daughter, right in front of my eyes. Furthermore, Chico sat quietly by my daughter's side without intruding in any way - unlike the behaviors I'd observed prior to this moment. In fact, I noticed Chico throwing out calming signal after calming signal. Just like the yoga class I observed earlier in the week, watching the bonding take place was astonishing.