The Day I Met Hardy

Can you imagine how I felt after working towards a time consuming, all encompassing career goal only to learn that it didn't suit me? It was as if I was lost a dense forest, and I couldn't find my way out. Up until this point, I had maintained a positive, can-do attitude, but as my resolve to stick with counseling wavered, so did my mental state. Day after day I showed up at my internships only to realize I was marking time out of obligation. On the one hand, I was enjoying helping out the kids, but on the other I knew that I had made a grave mistake in career paths, and I needed to stop. As the academic year came to a close, I passed along the information to my superiors that I wouldn't be returning.

My mental state went into a tail spin as I bore witness to my life hurling downward. By the time the school year ended, it seemed like everything was off kilter. My marriage was over, my career was flawed, my friends and family were busy with their own lives, and I still didn't have a salary. In fact, I hadn't really moved forward financially at all. I was still completely dependent upon the court ordered spousal and family support. This was something I longed to rectify. My deepest desire was to be a strong, self sufficient, financially independent woman, and I wasn’t even close to the mark. 

I decided to take the summer to try and get back on track. My ex had been planning to take the kids on their annual weeklong adventure to visit his family in the Pacific Northwest. Realizing that I hadn't gone anywhere in years, I decided to take a road trip to an all inclusive, low priced vegetarian place in Mendocino. I surmised that the change of scenery would do me good. That week flew by, and when I returned home rested and refreshed, I found I felt guilty for even allowing myself to go away in the first place. I had spent money on myself, and having money to spend on something as frivolous as a vacation did not feel right.

I put all of my efforts into finding a job. Before I left, I had put a decent resume together and had been job-hunting a little, but nothing opened up for me in terms of employment. I was hoping there would be some hope upon my return, after all I did succeed in getting my name out there, but there was no new information waiting for me at home. I knew I had skills that could be used out in the work force, but I didn't know where or how to apply them. After receiving all of that education, I didn’t want to compromise one thing. I wanted to earn a salary. I was sick of earning an hourly wage. At the same time, I needed something that would fit into the busy schedule of being a parent. As I searched and searched, I kept coming up with nothing.

In addition to this, there were many items around the house that needed fixing, but either I wasn't strong enough, physically, or I didn't have the money. My social life was practically non-existent. I began to lose interest in just about everything, including the job hunt. I was defeated, and I knew it. It was slowly becoming more and more difficult to even get the motivation to get out of bed, let alone search for a job. By the time school was in session again, no longer working as an intern, I was having trouble getting the motivation to change out of my pajamas. I was fairly certain that I was clinically depressed, and I didn’t know where to turn.

It was my son, who came home after school one day and holding my hand in his stated simply, “Mom, you need to get up! Let’s go to the animal shelter and look for a dog.” I don’t know where he came up with the idea, and I didn’t think it would help, but I did it for him. I got myself out of bed, and we drove to the local shelter. That was the day I met Hardy.