My First EMDR Treatment

I paid a visit to my psychologist. It’s always tough the next few days after I visit, but I believe over the long haul, we are all considering my best interests. I discovered even more about Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). Up until this point, my psychologist had been gathering information that would be helpful during the actual process. Now I am actually participating in the process.

Being willing to participate is important. The "buy in" must be present in order for it to work because the willingness to relive the event is necessary. That’s the difficult part because once recalling the fearful terrors of the event are initiated, they are allowed to wander through the mind (instead of stopping them like I usually do). The whole time the eyes are open and tracking two fingers as they move back and forth in a diagonal direction in front of the face. Keeping the eyes open is also difficult because for me, opening my eyes is how I’ve learned to stop the flashbacks.

After going through the process for about twenty to thirty minutes, I was exhausted, and my head hurt. It felt like the beginning of a headache was looming, but after I left the building, there was no head pain. I did feel worse than ever, and I also felt more scared, lost, and paranoid than I did when I got to the doctor’s office. It was intense. It’s worth it though. I am extremely frustrated with my daily life. I’m not interested in going anywhere, outside of driving my car, alone. I can’t walk or bicycle alone. I miss joyfully participating in daily life events. I miss the journey.

Maui Trip 2007

One of the nice things about the EMDR is after completing the eye movement part; we then talk about a relaxing safe place. Mine is a place in Maui that I love to visit. In reality, the place could probably be anywhere, but my relaxing place is in the morning, snorkeling with the colorful fish and green sea turtles. I especially love watching the sea turtles swim. They look angelic the way they gracefully move through the water.

In another way the sea turtles are inspiring to me. It’s obvious that the turtles are timid and perhaps a little frightened of the humans that come to swim with them. They hide their heads down below the rocks and hold their breath as long as they can, but eventually they must come up for air. That’s when they must swim to the surface, and when they are most likely to be seen. They don’t do it too quickly though, perhaps they can’t, but it’s the unhurried elegant movements they make as they surface that makes watching them so calming. No one is in any danger. No one is out to get them.

Why are green sea turtles such an inspiration for me? When I watch them, it doesn't seem to me that they want to be seen. They seem to hide and want to be left alone. But they need to breathe. The act of going up and getting air is not an option. They do it or they will die. They may be scared, but they do it anyway.