Going Back To Work

I visited with all three doctors in less than 24 hours, and I came away with a plan to go back to work as a second grade teacher in my ocean theme classroom. First I mulled over my decision with my psychologist. He looked bored as I went around and around stating my reasons to go back versus not to do so. It was actually nice to see him relax for a change. We’ve been so intent on our goal of making me feel brave and confident that talking about the decisions I needed to make seemed almost insignificant by comparison.

We discussed my teaching job, and other ideas I had for career possibilities, but I kept circling around the same idea. I wanted to see if I could handle my old job, and I wanted to come away from the attack a winner. I wanted to feel like my misfortune was not going to get the best of me. I also wanted to see if the best aspect of my job was still going to inspire me. I wanted to learn the answer to my burning question: Do I still LOVE working with children?

I learned that the largest obstacle to my being able to return to work was my belief that I would become extremely stressed out in no time. I know how challenging my job can be. I am intimate with the important characteristics that make a good teacher a great one. Character traits like patience, excellent listening skills, intelligence, and a healthy dose of good humor are necessary for the great ones. Stress can snuff those traits out very fast. It accumulates over time at a rapid pace after the first day of school.

It was suggested that I begin transitioning back to work on a part time basis, so that I could feel confident and relaxed as I reenter my classroom. It made perfect sense. Instead of diving in and racing to get back in the groove, it made me stop and consider the turtle’s way: slowly and methodically. So I decided that I wanted to go back, but not at full capacity. Not yet. 

One of the problems with returning at full capacity is the stress, but there are more reasons. The school year and those little minds and hearts needed to be considered as well. While I felt it was important that I slowly become the students’ teacher, I also needed to consider parents’ motivations too. For this reason, my psychiatrist included a statement on my work status report that noted if my employer could not accommodate the part time hours, then I should be considered disabled until Thanksgiving. It wasn’t a request, and it made me feel safe and protected by my team. This is something I don’t feel very often.

I felt like my doctors were reading my mind. I felt like in some magic way, they were able to understand that I am easily persuaded to do things for the greater good without considering what it might do to me over the long haul. But more than anything else, I felt safe to come out of hiding, and I felt ready to face the questions, concerns, and even the uncertainty. I hope I’m ready.