The 14th Again

As our nation grieves over what happened in Newtown, I can’t shake the thought that my own personal catastrophe was so miniscule by comparison. There is a part of me that is intimate with the denial, shock, and despair that follows after a small helpless living being gets taken away because of a random act of violence. There is another part of me that understands first hand what it might be like to have a gunman on the school grounds, because I am a teacher. Even though the event occurred on the opposite side of the country, it still hit close to home, and after hearing about that awful moment that occurred on Friday, the 14^th of December, it saddened me to tears. My heart is still grieving for ALL of the families it hurt.

My heartfelt sorrow goes out to the parents and family members who lost their little ones. My most earnest wish is that they will all be able to enjoy Christmas again someday, and that the love they have for those who were lost keeps them moving forward instead of letting it stop them in their tracks, as grief over the lost life of a child so often does. In addition, I hope they experience a profound sense of peace and calm in their hearts and minds whenever they think of those little ones, and may they rediscover peace and joy in their hearts very soon, if not today.

Random acts of violence happen so rapidly and without warning. It is within the senselessness that we are challenged to overcome. It is difficult to wake up after something like this happens. The reality is that heroes emerge out of the strength that follows after such a tragedy. These heroes foster a strong sense of faith and a steadfast belief that there IS good being performed out there every day. These are the people who take the time to focus on the good in the world. The ones who know that moving forward in a positive way instead of harboring depression, guilt, helplessness, and anger is the best course of action. I believe that this is the path our loved ones would want us to take. There is peace in that thought, and it grows and spreads easily.

When I heard a local Rabbi say that the gunman was bullied severely as he grew up, it solidified a concept I’ve been trying to spread. I believe kindness is the richest gift we can bestow to each other. It reverberates so many ways, and it doesn’t have to be a grand gesture of kindness either; a simple smile can change someone’s day. For example, when I was recently traveling through Northern California, I met a young man who was probably a lot like that gunman from this past Friday. He was thin, had a shaved head, an angry look on his face, and a tattoo on his forehead that basically stated back off – only it was a different four letter word. When I met him I was bored, thirsty, and my bones ached from sitting in a car for a day and a half, so I went into a grocery store and ordered a coffee and stretched while I waited.

It was he who engaged me into conversation. He recognized that I was stretching and commented that he’d felt stiff in his neck sometimes. We made small talk for a little while, but I couldn’t resist trying to discover why anyone would mark himself in such a way, so I inquired why. He attributed it to a poor lifestyle and jail. After a bit of probing, I learned that he’d been punished severely for shoplifting, and after that his life had gone downhill fast. 

The truth is I was too afraid to engage very long with him, but on my way out, I asked him if he was hungry, and I gave him money for food when he said he was. This brought gentleness to his face, and he raised his mirrored sunglasses to make eye contact and express his gratitude. I was plainly moved to tears as I walked away. My heart felt warm, and once again I found myself wondering why? I realized in that moment… Even if we wonder why, we don’t HAVE to know the answer. We really don’t even need it.  We are merely supposed to keep moving forward believing in the excellence of humanity and that the kindness of strangers will surely follow.