Weighing The Evidence

I struggle with my self-image everyday. When I get up in the morning, after a stretch and a cup of tea, I weigh in. It is a ritual that I have practiced since I was a teenager. Some days it has been easy. Those are the days when I wake up feeling a bit hungry, and I know that the number will be down. Other days are a little more difficult. Those are the days like the ones after Thanksgiving. I wake up feeling full from the night before, and I know the number on the scale will be up. When I was younger, even a few years ago when Hardy was alive, I could still win that battle. I’d just work out harder the day after a binge, skip the snacking and dessert, and things would simply take care of themselves. Today, that number almost knocked me down.

I know it’s not rocket science, but I simply can’t seem to win this battle anymore. I seem to do nothing but gain and gain and gain. Almost everyday the number on the scale goes up. Yet it seems almost impossible these days to get it down. I work out almost everyday. I eat healthy foods in appropriate portions. I skip desserts, rarely snack, and I drink soda water with my meals. Nothing prepares me for the failure I feel each morning, when I KNOW I should be losing weight, and I don’t. I GAIN! It is really discouraging.

I was watching an interview on OWN the other day, the one with Sally Field promoting her newest film where she gets to play Mary Todd Lincoln. It was a role that required her to gain quite a bit of weight, and yet when Oprah sat down to talk with her, she was downright skinny. Oprah asked her how the she got the weight off after filming for the role, and she whimpered, “I’m so hungry!”

I am hungry too. I am hungry as I write this (my stomach is growling). I am hungry when I go to bed, and hungry when I weigh in first thing in the morning. I cannot get that number on the scale to go down. What am I doing wrong? I think to myself. I remember judging other women who have said these same words to me, statements like the ones that I’ve just written, and can remember shaking my head and thinking inwardly they were not being honest with themselves. They must be cheating, I would think. Today I feel sorry I ever thought that. Today I know that there are many factors that go into weight gain AND loss.

Instead of going into what I think the solutions are, because clearly I do not know, I want to promote one thought. While we are all reflections of what we eat, we must all learn to appreciate what we look like and accept ourselves for who we are. TODAY.  Most of my life, until now, people have often told me that I look healthy and beautiful. I regret to report that I didn’t hear it. I look at photos from back then, and I think I looked fabulous back then, but I didn’t think so at the time. Make today the day you embrace yourself for all of your unique qualities, even if that number isn’t what you wanted to see. We are alive. We live in a free country. We are wonderful, just the way we are!