Seventh Day on New Meds

I’m up and writing this morning, and that feels great! I’ve been so extremely exhausted in the mornings; just to feel alert now is so wonderful. I’m also more comfortable in my own skin. The jittery, shaking feeling that I’ve felt since the attack is almost non-existent now. I feel grief, to be sure, and I’m definitely still vulnerable - and physically weaker than my usual fit self. I’m thankful for this way to express myself. I think this blog is what is keeping me sane.

I didn’t have as much trouble sleeping last night, but still had some WEIRD dreams. One was super strange, and I can’t remember the whole dream now, but I know it woke me last night. At that time, I felt sure I could remember. Now I can only recall something about an injured hand grabbing (attached?) to my left leg. I remember blood too, but that’s all. 

I miss my regular exercise routine. I was a regular visitor to the Wii Fit game, and riding my bike – and WALKING! My doctor suggested trying to do something I like to do a little each day, since I feel safest indoors, yesterday I chose Wii Fit. I tried for fifteen minutes yesterday, but only made it for twelve. That’s a huge change. I used to be able to work out for 45 minutes in the AM, and then I walked Hardy for about an hour in the afternoon. Will ever be able to walk again? I still doubt it.

I heard an interesting story on the local news brief this morning. Two counties in the Bay Area are considering pit bull legislation. Wow! According to Theresa Garcia of KGO, this was in response to the Concord toddler boy who was killed last month. Learning about this inspired me to research a little about dog bite legislation in my county (because it’s not one of the counties considering the new legislation). I discovered that there is a man named, Kenneth Phillips, who is working towards improving legislation. I am considering writing him, but I’m afraid to, at the same time. The people who oppose the legislation seem scary and threatening – probably a lot like the dogs they own.

I still have to try to get my act together to be able to work. It’s extremely stressful to think about and/or act upon. I need to get my classroom set up and draft a letter to the parents about not being there on the first days of school. I’m not ready to do either one. I wrote my boss yesterday. He is being supportive, but I still feel awful about working. I am going to need so much support  - even doing the simple act of setting up my classroom. My family members have said they will help, but I want to do it when I won’t run into any of my colleagues – so that means at night. I don’t want to break down in front of anyone, nor relive anything at this fragile stage, and I STILL CAN’T TALK ABOUT IT WITHOUT COMPLETELY FALLING APART!