Time Flies While You’re In A Fog

I just peeled my face off the pillow. I’ve been lying down most of the day. This is the third day of new medication. Previously I was taking something everyday for migraines. Now I am taking pills for anxiety, depression, and migraine prevention. When I take them, it doesn’t feel like too many, but today, it’s difficult to stay awake or concentrate for very long. This entry is a sort of test to see how much I can do. I want to try to record the process too. I don’t want to forget any detail over losing my little sweetie and what it has done to me.

I checked my work email this morning, and that took up my usual blog writing time. I needed to do a little preparation for work for being away from the classroom. I’ve asked someone if she is available, I’ve kept my boss and the HR department posted about the progress there, and I also wrote and called the contact person about the disability form(s). Now I’m waiting to hear back from the appropriate people.

I am also going to have to make plans to get my classroom ready. My family members have volunteered to help me schlep the furniture around the room so it’s presentable. This is one of the most fun parts of getting ready for the beginning of the year. This time it sounds like a HUGE chore. I hope my body adjusts to the medications soon. If I have to do it feeling like I do today, it is going to be slow going.

People from work are sending me well wishes and prayers. I feel like they will be supportive through all of this. I hope I can do my job without breaking down though. I’m worried about what might trigger a flashback or panic attack. I don’t want anyone to see me like that – especially a child who can’t possibly understand. When I think about how much I am going to have to censor for the students, it seems impossible. I truly wonder if I can even get myself to a place where I can educate my new students.

Every year I write a letter welcoming my new students back to school. I introduce myself and tell them to learn how to use my TeacherWeb. This sounds like another insurmountable task. How do I stay upbeat while informing them that I won’t even be there during the beginning of school? I’ve asked my boss to proofread my letter. I hope I can do it!